Don't Speak
Most people are familiar with the No Doubt song, "Don't Speak". Tonight, I offer a better suggestion to the general public: Don't sing. My aunt, uncle and I watched the new "reality" show, "Hit Me Baby 1 More Time" this evening. The show featured such former stars (the term is used loosely) as Tiffany, Arrested Development and -- my personal favorite -- A Flock of Seagulls. (Okay, I lied; A Flock of Seagulls makes me think of a group of performing birds. This would probably sound better, anyway.) Each group performed their former smash hit before putting its take on a new song. Listening to some of these has-beens made me wonder, why are they torturing me like this? Why are they humiliating themselves like this? I was thoroughly confused.
My baby cousin, Connor, gazed at the TV suspiciously as Loverboy took the stage to perform Ryan Cabrera's trash hit, "On the Way Down". When the lead singer began to ask why he couldn't be my lover, I replied, "Because you're old and balding and can't sing!" Poor little Connor wailed in agreement. His big blue eyes seemed to wonder, who is this guy and who told him he could sing?
To be fair, some of the performers weren't that bad. Tiffany was decent and I thoroughly enjoyed Arrested Development, the show's ultimate winners. I much preferred "Hit Me Baby. . ." To "American Idol". At least these artists have some modicum of talent; otherwise, they wouldn't have been signed in the first place. But still. . . The thought of a Vanilla Ice comeback is quite disturbing. Just the thought of it makes the room too cold, too cold. . .
Seriously, though, nothing is more annoying than a person who believes he or she can sing when he or she cannot. I personally know a couple of these people, and try to avoid them as often as possible. It is one thing for someone with talent to sing; it is another situation entirely when someone belts my favorite song out -- off-key and out of tune. That is where friendship ends and frustration begins.
Since this seems to be a growing trend, however, maybe I should try it. I mean, I'm staying in a suburb of Minneapolis; the Mall of America isn't that far away. I could sing there. And no one has to know that my choir director once told me to "just mouth the words, okay". You know, this could even end up getting my a record (if not with a label, certainly with the police. . . ).
My baby cousin, Connor, gazed at the TV suspiciously as Loverboy took the stage to perform Ryan Cabrera's trash hit, "On the Way Down". When the lead singer began to ask why he couldn't be my lover, I replied, "Because you're old and balding and can't sing!" Poor little Connor wailed in agreement. His big blue eyes seemed to wonder, who is this guy and who told him he could sing?
To be fair, some of the performers weren't that bad. Tiffany was decent and I thoroughly enjoyed Arrested Development, the show's ultimate winners. I much preferred "Hit Me Baby. . ." To "American Idol". At least these artists have some modicum of talent; otherwise, they wouldn't have been signed in the first place. But still. . . The thought of a Vanilla Ice comeback is quite disturbing. Just the thought of it makes the room too cold, too cold. . .
Seriously, though, nothing is more annoying than a person who believes he or she can sing when he or she cannot. I personally know a couple of these people, and try to avoid them as often as possible. It is one thing for someone with talent to sing; it is another situation entirely when someone belts my favorite song out -- off-key and out of tune. That is where friendship ends and frustration begins.
Since this seems to be a growing trend, however, maybe I should try it. I mean, I'm staying in a suburb of Minneapolis; the Mall of America isn't that far away. I could sing there. And no one has to know that my choir director once told me to "just mouth the words, okay". You know, this could even end up getting my a record (if not with a label, certainly with the police. . . ).
posted by missdragonfly at 8:42 PM
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