Decisions

Last night I made the worst phone call I have ever made. I called my boyfriend of four years and temporarily broke up with him. This wasn't exactly an impulsive decision; I had been considering it for quite a while. Finally I called a couple of my best guy friends for their input. They told me I needed to stop worrying about everyone else's feelings and think about mine. I was ordered to stop hurting myself emotionally in order to make others happy. They said I shouldn't feel bad for flirting with other guys; that's just part of my personality and I should never change that. One said I could do better; the other told me I could "have a new guy in a day". I don't want a new guy right now, although things are looking promising with the gorgeous guy who complicated things in my last blog. It's still nice to know that I could do it, though.

My (ex?) boyfriend is as okay as he can be with the whole thing. He says he still loves me and always will. When I told him he could see other people he replied that he doesn't want to. "You can view it as having your freedom, but I'll still be devoted to you. If you want to see other people, I guess I'll have to live with it but I love only you." He's pretty much an angel; he has entirely too much patience with me!

One of my friends told me that maybe I'll find someone else who will break my heart. Then it would be even easier to go back to my now-ex. To be honest, that would be easy even now. But I know I need the space. At least until I get myself figured out.