Princes and Frogs

Well, I got it all figured out -- or my love life, at least. I got back together with my no-longer-ex-fiancee and broke up with 'B'. As I said last time, I was really considering going back to my ex. B just pushed me over the edge.

For one, I couldn't stand to touch him. I literally said the Lord's Prayer every time he kissed me. The only way he could have physical contact with me was to rub my shoulders (there is no way I can ever turn that down!). Of course, that just made him want to touch me even more, so it was a vicious cycle.

Also, he always wanted to be with me. When I came back from English class at 2:30, he was in the room across the hall from me, talking with my friend. She told me he'd been there since 1:40, when she'd seen him knocking on my door and said I was in class. He came to see me while I was working in the bookstore. He seemed to think we needed to be joined at the hip. Since the whole reason I broke up with the first guy was that I wanted freedom, this was definitely not working.

By Tuesday night, it had all become too much. When I yelled at him that night, he immediately began to apologize for everything. I hate pushovers. I didn't know how to nicely explain to B that we weren't going out and that I like him only as a friend. Plus, kissing him made me miss my ex's kisses and how he held me so close. When he (my ex) texted me that night, I called him back. He was tentative, as usual (my calls have not meant good news for him lately) but quickly changed to ecstatic when I told him I wanted to get back together. When I said I loved him, he told me that "just for saying that, I'd get you anything you asked for". I fell asleep happy but confused.

Wednesday was D-Day. I knew I had to break the news to B but wasn't sure how. I couldn't do it when he came to see me in the bookstore; there were people around. As soon as he came to my room later that night, I started thinking of ways to tell him. At one point, he made a smart comment and I told him he hated me. He protested that he never could. All I could think was, trust me; you will in a few minutes. Finally, the time came. I'll present it in the form of a dialogue:

B: I found out today that my roommate has a big mouth.

Me: Oh really? How?

B: I just told him last night that I was hanging out with you again and when I went to lunch today, all the football players were like, 'who's your new girlfriend?'.

M: Yeah, Steph was just asking me what was going on with us. (Smacking myself in the forehead) Stupid!

B: (Worried look) Is that a bad thing?

M: That people are talking about me? Yeah! Don't they have anything better to do?

B: No, I mean about you and me.

M: This is the part where you're going to hate me.

B: Why?

M: I just got back together with -------------.

B: What?!

M: I just got back together with -------------.

B: Damn!

We discussed it a little more. He wanted to know if it was anything he did; I assured him it wasn't. I told him I'd been missing my ex a lot lately and it just seemed like the right time to get back together. I said I still wanted to be friends but understood completely if he wanted to leave and never speak to me again, or yell at me, or anything else. He was really nice about it and stayed to talk a little while longer. When he left, I gave him a hug.

So now life is back to normal -- or as normal as my life can get. I'm back to the guy I started with, and perfectly content with him. I know what it's like to be single now, and I can't say I'm jealous of those who are: it's unbelievably stressful!